Energy!!.....Here Energy!!!

When all of this began nearly 9 months ago, I was tired a lot.  I thought that it was because of our recent move and the crazy motion that three boys always are in.  Turned out, I had cancer.

Fast forward 9 months, past the treatment and the roller-coaster ride that is knowledge and education.  I've finished with everything and we're 5 months past my declaration of a cancer free body- but I still can't keep up.

I know I've already written about my 'new normal,' but I think I may have lied about accepting it.  Actually, I'm pretty sure I did.  Don't get me wrong, when I wrote it I felt fairly confident that I could accept it.  That I would be able to, in the long run, just be content with the fact that I was breathing.....but......

I'm not.

I wake up each morning with a mental list of things I want to accomplish and by 10 a.m., I'm beat.  Still, I push through and force myself to stay awake and do the things that Moms-at-Home do: laundry, cleaning, playing with the last remaining boy, clean some more, figure out dinner, visit with friends, help others, be happy, clean, cook dinner.....you get the idea.

Tonight as I'm writing this: I. Am. Exhausted.  Mentally, physically, emotionally, nearly spiritually (but not quite).  I'm dead tired and I feel like dead weight.  I don't get nearly the same amount of things done that I used to and I find that I'm angry all of the time.  Pure anger.

I'm not sure if that's the lull of the hormones in my body, or my mental exhaustion catching up with me, but I find myself sharing waaaay too much; snapping waaaay too often; and trying really hard to find more patience with the world around me, when I really need to be more patient with myself.

I think the Kami of 2 years ago is dead.  There I said it.  I really think she is.  Perhaps we should have a funeral.  I don't know.  It's so hard not to compare yourself to others.  I see other survivors who have been through far worse than I ever will and they're out running around, doing marathons, hiking, biking...living- and I just can't get there.  I'm very much aggravated about it.

What's a girl to do?  The last time I used the bathroom, nothing burned per se, but I feel like my bladder is trying to make a break for it.  At any given time I feel like it's going to peel backwards out of my nether region and take off running for freedom.  No joke.

I'm currently working of finding a solution to my health insurance conundrum so that I can go to some follow-up visits.  Right now that's not feasible.  I may be angry about that as well, who knows?

So many things wrapped up into life.  I have a question for you: What do you do when you're angry, to find your center again?  What gets you going when you're just too tired to go?  Feel free to answer me in anyway you like!!

Thank you for reading and for journeying on with me! ~Kami

The Warrior Princess I Know.......

Hey everyone.

Tonight, I feel a need to share with you the story of my friend and her family.  When Coach and I lived in Illinois we were very blessed to make friends with loads of wonderful people and characters.  There was a wonderful woman that I instantly became drawn to.  She became a beacon of kindness in a strange, new place for me. She was bright, vibrant, outgoing, warm, compassionate and had beautiful daughters!!  She is the mighty Kimberly.

We all ended up moving within almost of year of each other.  She and her daughters trekked further West than Coach and I and ended up in a beautiful State with beautiful lives.  Coach and I ended up in Arizona and are learning to find the beauty in the stark contrasts of each season.

Prior to our move in 2012, we learned that Kimberly's oldest daughter, Ashley, was diagnosed with Pre-B Cell Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia. What began as a nosebleed, that wouldn't stop, became an uphill fight that she has endured with wit and grace.

The Beautiful Ashley

At the time of diagnosis, Ashley was enrolled in college and had to withdraw so that she could get her game face on and get busy kicking leukemia's trash!!  She has been battling for more than a year now.  She has remained steadfast and taken this cancer by storm. 

I can't say enough good things about this family.  They are strong, they are centered, they are each other's biggest cheerleaders and they embraced my family when we were so new to the world of college coaching- even though there was no reason to do so: other than they are good people.

Digging out of our own hole, with A LOT of help from our friends, has taught me the value of community and reaching out.  So tonight, that's what I'm doing.  Coach and I are still not in the best of positions to give gobs of money, but we're helping as best we can, and that is the point.  If you can, please help.  If you're not in a position to give financially, please consider adding Ashley & her family to your prayers.  Every whispered plea, on their behalf, will do much to lift and sustain them through.

I am confident that much good can com from all of us pulling together and doing what we can to make this world a better place; we can start by embracing the fighters.  Ashley's mother introduced me to the title of Warrior Princess and it's one that I wear with pride; knowing full well that Ashley wears it with much strength.  She is my hero.

Details about Ashley and her family can be found here:

A.L.L. in for Ashley

Keep up the FIGHT Ashley!! I love you & your fabulous family!!

~Kami