Annual Exam Gone Haywire

I'll be honest.  I was feeling overwhelmed & tired.  I had talked with Coach about it, and he had asked me to make an appointment, but at the time other things were more important.  I even began to feel better and thought that whatever was keeping me down had passed.  We had switched jobs, put a house up for sale, sold the house, purchased a new house, packed to move, moved, and then unpacked.  All of these things were contributors to stress and most likely the cause of my feeling, well, meh.

When we moved I felt more like myself.  Things were settled in the crazy department and I was ready to move on, get invested in our new community and generally begin to rock and roll.  What is crazy is that our insurance had just changed, and the boys and I were approved for a new insurance- when I started to feel tired.  I thought maybe I was little bit over-stressed.  No symptoms I had were any different than most, when people are over taxed with big things going on.

When I was talking with a group of my friends, which I will refer to forever more as the Fab Five, they convinced me to make an appointment and get things checked out.  I was due for an annual exam, and thought that this would be the best way to lay to rest everything.  I was thinking that perhaps I would be told to reduce my stress and take a week just to rest.  At the most, maybe my thyroid was being dumb and I would need to be screened for something fun in that department.

The gyno that I decided to go to turned out to be the most compassionate man I have met in a doctor for a very long time.  He actually wanted to talk to me first, imagine that! I felt like a human being to him, and that was the greatest thing I had experienced in a doctor's office in a long time.

We talked about what could be the cause of the funky discharge I was having that had started up just two days prior.  He asked what it smelled like.  I answered it that it smelled like death.  He asked if I was sure it wasn't fish? How cliche'.  I said, "Nope. Death."  He predicted that it was a impacted tampon.  I will have you know that I am not irresponsible with my feminine hygiene products.  I bet him it wasn't.  He said it was probably an eight ball then.  I replied it was probably a magic eight ball.  Wouldn't that be fun?  We laughed for a bit- it felt good to laugh. When I was finally at ease he had me change in to the fabulous paper wear, and we were off to the races....or stirrups as the case actually was.

With the upper body fun taken care of, it was time to get down to business.  This part didn't take longer than a few seconds before I heard, "Oh no. Oh Kami.  Oh honey."  I was laying on the examination table with my eyes shut, because lets be honest; sometimes the duck hurts.  When I heard the doctor say these things, I immediately opened my eyes and looked into his.  His face was a mixture of dread, sympathy, compassion and heartbreak.  I just settled back into my mind and found my happy place for a bit.

The mass that he found was quite remarkable.  In the world of body parts, it's best to be unremarkable if you can swing it.  Based on what he could manipulate he found the mass to be at least 4 cm.  It had grown into my cervix and was making itself at home.

"Have you ever had an unusual pap smear?" Nope.

"Do you have a history of cervical cancer?"  Nope.

"You knew didn't you?"   This one was a little harder to answer.  I knew that I hadn't felt right and the idea of cancer had crossed my mind, because as humans I think we all go to the worst place right off the bat when we feel cruddy.  But whether or not my brain had registered this as a result, I don't think so.  In fact the more that I thought it through...NO!  I had felt fine following the move.  I was just tired.

My proof for this was the tears running down my face.  I thought about my boys, my husband, my life here in Arizona and all the laundry that needed to be folded, lunches made, dinners prepared, floors cleaned, watercolors to play with, swimming to be experienced, laughter, joy, and everything that makes up the life of one person and suddenly I was angry.

Dr. G said that it looked quite a lot like cancer.  The mass was looked like it, and did not present like a cyst.  Of all the things that I regret this is the biggest of all right now: I didn't make my annual exam a priority.  This could have all been avoided if I had put that one little thing first in my life.  I am a walking poster child now for early detection and why it's so important.

After the initial shock of "this doesn't look good," a sample was taken via a mascara wand for the nether regions and then they also placed a small piece of the mass that had traveled out with the duck to be biopsied as well.  I will be forever grateful for Ali of the Fab Five being there to hold my hand, read to me about shoes, and make me laugh.  The moment was not nearly as dark as it would have been had she not been there.  I was then treated to a blood draw, which didn't hurt at all.  I met a lot of great people that day.

Dr. G was amazingly sympathetic.  One of the most poignant moments of that day was when I was standing out in the hallway, bum against the wall, and my head back.  I was thinking about my boys and my husband and the big bag of suckage that this was.  Dr. G slid right next to me, grabbed my left hand and held it tight.  I didn't even open my eyes.  He just said, "You're going to fight this and win."

I have decided that yes, he's correct.  I am and I will.  I was sent home with orders for an MRI and chest x-ray.  Nothin' but good times ahead.