I've had some set backs this week as far as pain goes, but am happy to report that I flushed all the narcotic pain-killers down the toilet. Yes, I know this is bad for the environment, but I had to get them out of my house and away from temptation really fast. The dilaudid (sp?) was great at sending me to oblivion, but retaliated with a wicked headache as a side effect. In a moment of sheer crazy pain, I actually forgot that I had already taken one and nearly took another. Just in time I remembered through my fuzzy brain-matter, and stopped myself. It scared me pretty bad; and even though the effect of taking two perhaps would have been okay, I'm not fine with any 'what could have beens' lurking around my house. One flush, and problem solved! I'm thankful for toilets....yet again. Ha ha!
The recovery back to status quo is slow and ridiculous. I'm ready to be able to do what I want to do and go where I want to go, and paint/sand/fix what I want to fix, but I've found that by 2:00 p.m. I am ready to pass out because I'm so tired. Granted it's only been 1 1/2 weeks since the last treatment, but still. My mind thinks I'm 21, reality says I'm 34, body is screaming that I'm 90. For the love!!
I was accused today of watching too much T.V., which made me laugh. I've tried all week to keep moving and doing something productive. The fact that I was sitting/laying down today and watching Cake Boss on Netflix for 2 hours, was actually outside of the norm as of late. I would love to be jumping hurdles or running a marathon but my lame old lady body won't let me. Better yet, I know older ladies who are more active that I am right now. Sheesh!
I'm feeling super grumpy right now trying to put into words how I'm feeling, which is weird because I originally started this post out as a gratitude post, but then changed it because I feel like a lot of my posts are filled with gratitude and sometimes that can be obnoxious. I wanted to throw out a quick update and be off, before I got grumpy. I have no reason to be grumpy. I'm nearly done with my fight. I should be happy. Lame, lame body.........I'm feeling disappointed with the slow climb back.
Gripe, gripe, gripe....complain, complain. Who wants to read that?
Stay tuned, I promise things will get better. I think I just need more sleep? More food? More time.......
Happy Thanksgiving & Pre-Christmas Joy~Kami
2 comments:
Sending all my love and prayers that you have a truly Happy Thanksgiving filled with lots of rest, recovery, and deliciousness!
I think you are feeling pretty normal feelings for anybody during the recovery stage. You've kept your eyes on the goal of getting through the treatment and now you want to be back to yourself already! After I had Kendra I had some bleeding problems that went on for weeks and weeks (finally resulting in a massive hemorrhage, hospital stay & blood transfusion). Other than having to come to terms with the fact that I was done having babies, the hardest part was how long it took for me to feel back to normal. The problem was "fixed" and yet I would run out of energy so fast and it would frustrate me every single day. It took way longer than I thought it should to be able to do all my normal stuff again.
Your body has been through much worse trauma so of course it is going to take a long time for your energy to come back. When you need a TV rest break, take it and don't feel guilty! (You probably need the mental break as much as the physical rest!)
Post a Comment