It's probably nothing, but I can't help but be worried. Yesterday I have yet another follow-up exam with Dr. B2 in Casa Grande. We talked about how I'd been feeling and went through basic follow-up questions, then we asked if we could do a pelvic exam.
Again with the spectacular speculum; and onto the show. He said my cervix was effaced, ha ha! At least I have one right? Then he twisted said speculum again, and again; which I will never understand why he's the only doctor that does that. Finally the speculum was removed and he performed a manual exam. While he was working on the area that the tumor was, he paused for a moment and said, "Kami there's a slight bump here still." I just closed my eyes.
Sometimes if you close your eyes, things disappear. That's not the case when the doctor is performing an exam on your lower parts, and keeps talking through the attempt to make him and the room disappear. I had no choice but to open my eyes. I told him that the PET/CT scan was scheduled for Dec. 17th and that we'd know more then.
He replied that he felt the scan should be moved back further to later December to give the radiation and chemo time to shrink the bump completely. I was torn in two. I want this to be done, and for the insurance to pay for the remainder of this treatment follow-up. I didn't want to wait any further. So I left the scan where it was and left.
Needless to say, I didn't sleep well last night. Clearly there is still some cancer hanging out, but I've done all I can right now and just have to wait. I have myself permission to not get out of my jammies today, and so I didn't. I then threw myself a slight pity party for the back slide; then I got mad. I'm mad that anything was found. I'm mad that I can't be done so that I can stop being tired and get back to being a semi-good mother and wife. Mad, mad, mad.
As I was attempting to nap this afternoon the thought came to me that I should push the scan back and stop being so hateful over something that is just a slight set-back. So I called the offices and it was all set up again for December 31st. Here's hoping the New Year will bring happy results and delightful moments that are cancer-free. ~Kami
2 comments:
Slight setback, but I still totally understand why you would want to get this OVER with already!
You are my hero just for going through so many pelvic exams. Truly, there should be some kind of special award for that!
You deserve a pity party! I will bring a giant 3000 calorie chocolate cake!
You are amazing and we are praying that you sleep well and have a perfect scan on the 31st!
Post a Comment