Something to Believe In

I was able to attend a Chemo Q & A yesterday with the fabulous Ms. T, and had most of my questions answered, which was really reassuring and nice.  I'll write more about that in another post.

Today I wanted to talk a little bit about something so important as you're heading down the road that I'm going down.  It's amazing to me the number of people that are surprised by the smile on my face.  When I walked into the clinic yesterday and up to the check-in desk the ladies that man it asked me how I was doing.  I replied, "Awesome! How are you?"  No, I'm not a super-annoying chipper type.  I was just feeling really good in that moment and thought I'd pass it along.

"I love your attitude! I wish that more people were so happy, like you are."

That statement was really nice.  It also got me thinking.  I am sure that this whole process, once I get into it is really going to stink.  Going to stink so bad that even the garbage dump won't touch it.   Stinky cheese-bad.  What's the point in being a negative Nelly, before I've even started?  I have so many things to be happy about, let me name a few:

1. I don't have to get a Portal catheter put into my collar-bone area.  That is huge!  It's a purple heart shaped medical device that makes it possible to stick me with a needle in excess of 50 times.  Most people who get ports would have to go in every 4 months to have it flushed.  They could keep it in for up to 2 years.  It has a direct line that delivers meds into my blood stream without having to constantly stick my veins.  It would make it really hard to live the life I have and Dr. S felt it was unnecessary.  Super score for Kami!

2. I have the best husband in the world.  Since this whole situation has started, Coach has been very supportive.  He holds me when I need to fall apart and helps to put me back together again.  He is actually THANKFUL FOR ME! How crazy is that?! I'm a hot mess and he loves it! That, my friends, is priceless.

3. My kids think I'm pretty great.  I'm not sure why half the time.  I've been a tired, dragging, grumpy troll and still my kiddos run up to me and give me kisses and hugs at random times.  They are good about telling me to take naps.  P has told me multiple times to, "Sleep for a half hour Mom, I've got this."  He means taking care of his brothers.  I really have super awesome kids.  They even took the first day of their Fall break to help me clean the house, and didn't complain once.  Whoa nelly!

4. I couldn't ask for a better support system.  My friends span, at the very least, three states.  At the very most, the whole country.  I've had emails from people as far away as Europe, encouraging me and asking questions.  It's wonderful to think of all these people tied together in support of one person, who is in constant awe of their desire to do so.  What do I have to complain about?

5. This journey has not been short on laughs.  If you look for the opportunities, you will find them in all cases.  Yes, the fact this is happening is a bit tragic.  However, I'm not dying.  When faced with the choice to laugh or to cry, I'm trying to find reasons to laugh.  Random doctor's facial expressions, nurses comments, awkward positions, hilarious tools, pizza dough bellies....what's not to laugh about? In fact, every time I type the word 'vagina' I giggle.  A tad immature, but if you say it out loud enough it really is the funniest word I've heard!

It all boils down to one thing: the belief that this too shall pass.  It's just a blip on my life's radar and soon will be just a great memory of how people that I have known in my life, pulled together in support to one random girl when she really needed it.  I believe in something greater than myself.  I believe that I will beat this.  I believe that I've been strengthened and uplifted throughout the whole journey.  I believe that I am more than just a cancer patient, and I believe that it's thanks to people like YOU that I can keep my head up and throw out a random quirky comment.

You've got to believe in something.  That's what I do; with all my heart.  When you make the choice to believe in nothing, you'll get exactly what you believe in. Much love, and Happy Saturdays~ Kami