Another Night Before.....

Well folks, we're here.  I didn't think I'd make it.  Yes, my bum still burns, but you learn to deal with these things when they become commonplace.  Luckily that is all that keeps me down, at times.  I have single handedly taken down Christmas this week, played video games with the boys, loved my family up some more, and enjoyed not cleaning every waking minute.  It has been a good month for recovery.

Tomorrow marks the epic PET/CT scan.  This will determine whether or not any more cancer will be found in my cervix, or abdominal area at all.  I'd be lying to say I wasn't a bit scared.  Worst case scenario they find a bit more, and it's more rounds of chemo after coming up with another $11,000.  Best case scenario, I begin year one of 5 years to survivor-ship.  I've heard you're not a survivor until you've passed the 5 year mark post-diagnosis.  I'm rooting for the best case, and prepping for the worst.  I was taught well by my parents.

K, my second kiddo, prays for me every night.  He says, "Please bless that Mom's cancer will be gone." He says it so easily, with so much faith....that I believe because he believes.  I have remarkable children.  They have gone through hell these past months.  They have seen the best and worst of what the human body can handle and they've taken it in stride.  The other night I was putting together this Lego Transformer with K, and he said to me; out of the blue, "I'm glad you're my Mom."  I am too.

Pre-scan I was told to eat a high protein diet.  Stay clear of sugar and carbs, and drink plenty of water.  I didn't eat until this evening, but had BBQ'd chicken and scrambled eggs.  I've been drinking water, but didn't want to have to worry about bathroom issues during the scan tomorrow.  I just never know when a potty moment may occur, and I would hate to have to start a 45 min. scan all over again, just 'cause I had to go!

Starting at midnight I'm on a water only diet.  Fortunately I can still take my meds, because the anti-anxiety/nausea meds help me calm down enough to sleep well.  I'm still a bit jazzed about all that will be determined tomorrow.

After the scan, I'm heading over to the Cancer Treatment Center to have bloodwork done, prior to my doctor's visit on Wednesday.  I look forward to talk with Dr. S, with Coach there.  I'm not sure they've ever met.  Should be interesting.

Thank you for praying for me, rallying to my cause, sending notes of inspiration, getting mad at me when you needed to, and most of all for being my friend through the best and worst of all of this.  Keep your fingers crossed and a prayer in your heart that this is over tomorrow.

All my love~Kami

A Gift I Can't Give.....

Recently my youngest has been consumed with being an older brother.  He has a cousin close to his age, whose mother just had a beautiful, baby boy; and G thinks he should get one too.  This has precipitated many conversations as to why that just isn't possible for me.

What has healed to a dull ache, is still just a dull ache.  I would LOVE nothing more than to be able to give him that wonderful gift.  I'm in such a great place these days.  We have no intention of moving anytime soon, we love our home, love our neighborhood, love our church, are happy being close to family.  It really would be a great time to add the final caboose to our family, and yet......

Rather than focus on what I can't do; I'm choosing to surround myself with what I can.

1. I can love my three children more, because I know they are all that I have.

2. I can love other people's children more as well, because children who were once taken for granted, now are such a gift to me.

3. I can feel blessed that I was able to have the three boys that I did, with minimal complications.

4. I can feel good knowing that the job I do as a Mother is a pretty important one, and focus on that.

Today G told me he couldn't love me anymore because I can't make him a big brother.  I know this isn't true, because lets me honest...what's not to love, right? Ha ha!  In time I think he'll be all right, but in the meantime I will just do a better job taking him around other people's babies and letting him soak up their joy.

Good times & Happy thoughts~Kami