Tuesday, March 26, 2013


I received in the mail yesterday, an answer to prayers.  I did.  Really.

In my small, silver, keyed box was the long awaited check that would bring us one step closer to leaving this nightmare behind.  The insurance company had overpaid one medical institution and said Cancer center was sending me a reimbursement check that would cover the costs of the other medical institution that hadn't received a penny.

Hallelujah!! Say it with me now...... Hal-le-lu-jah! Amen!

It came in the morning, and by the afternoon was tucked neatly in my checking account.  My bank has that 24 hour policy on out of state checks and so last night was like Christmas Eve for me.  I laid awake nearly all night so excited to be done with this stage of the game.

Let's pause for a moment.

I know that I have been blessed every step of this trial.  Every. Single. Step.

There was that initial few weeks of panic as the bills kept rolling in, and yet every time I would seek guidance about what to do, the answer was always simple: Just Wait.

If you know me, that is near to impossible for me to do.  I'm a "take action" kind of girl! I want answers, I need results, and constant forward motion is my companion.  I require this.  If I sit too long, I have this fear that life will leave me behind; so waiting these past few months has been much like a weight training class....for the brain.  I think my brain is now BULGING with patient muscles.  Now that's a funny picture that I wish I could find an image that coincides with the one in my brain!!

Finally the morning dawned, and I jumped out of bed! Literally.

I came downstairs and began the long task of going through my cancer bill spreadsheet, my pile of bills, and my checkbook, not to mention our household budget- to document each check written, each bill paid & account, and how this would coincide with our household account.

14 checks later.......

Writer's cramp!! But hey, I'll take it.  I ran out of stamps before I ran out of bills.  My husband asked me why I didn't just pay them online.  I will tell you why....I want a paper trail.  I no longer want to be hounded by collectors, and well-meaning medical bill personnel.  I want that check to be taken into their sweet hands, stamped as paid, and then sent back to my bank stating that I've met my part of the commitment.

Freedom is sweet.  Freedom from medical bills even sweeter.  Freedom from this nightmare will be the sweetest of all, and we are mere months away from a life re-set; living like none of this ever happened, but being that much more vigilant with my health.

Thank you for following in this journey through madness.  Thank you for the words of encouragement and the slaps upside the head of reason.  I've needed both of those and am forever grateful for the new friends I've made along the way.

Chin up, things are only getting better!! ~ Kami

PS- Things are happening biologically to me that I am just not ready to talk about.  Perhaps when I have a grip on what these things COULD be, I'll be less mysterious and more able to discuss them.  Until then, let's have a dance party and celebrate this part of it! Oh yeah baby!!

Thursday, March 21, 2013

4 Months Since....

....my last treatment.

November 9th was the date of my last internal radiation treatment.  That marked the last treatment I hope I ever have to have.  I'm not super confident that everything is mending like it's supposed to, ie I still can't digest leafy greens and red meat, without quite a bit of burning and discomfort, but I'll take what I have versus what it could have been, right?

I made it through nearly 2 days without saying the 'C' word.  That was kind of nice.

 Although, in this day and age you hear the word ALL. THE. TIME. Even if you're not saying it yourself.  Someone you know is fighting, or it's a friend of a friend.  Someone is always fighting.  It's those people that we need it always keep in our thoughts and prayers.

I recently found out that the father of one of my friend's is battling cancer.  It's a terrible, craptastical kind, which I won't go into detail about.  My initial reaction was numbness, followed by anger, quickly followed by gut wrenching sorrow.  This part of life is not fair.  I'm praying each night for a miracle, because Dads are important and no one should ever be without a Dad.  No one.

In another vein, my family's goal to achieve 2,013 random acts of kindness keeps getting curtailed.  It gets super tricky to think of random acts that don't involve giving away money (mostly because I don't have any to give away, but if I did...I completely would! I wish I had some to give away, ::sheesh::).  Like my 2nd kiddo always says, "Well, anywho...." I've decided that rather than count each one off, I will pray for opportunities to help someone.  One day, it was talking to a baby in a shopping cart, while her mother attempted to find the right juice for the kiddos.  Said baby was screamin' up a storm when I strolled by with my cart, and G. I stopped, poked her in the tummy and made a toot noise.  That caught her by surprise and she hiccuped for a bit, until her Mom came over to see what had calmed the kiddo.  She thanked me, and said that she was nearly at the end of her rope.  I quipped, "Well tie a knot and hang on sister.  They get more fun down the line, but you sure miss the little toothless grins and the chubby hands that only want you!" She agreed and down the aisle I went.

That's when it hit me.  Random acts are that simple.  Letting someone pull in front of you that seems in a big hurry, picking up a dropped item and returning it to the owner, smiling at the busy checkout clerk and asking how their day is going.....all random, all kind.  You get the idea.

So my little family and me, we're plugging along.  So far we're on schedule to meet our goal.  This requires that each member find one act per day, and one of us gets to do two.  Since setting this challenge, we've decided that these acts CAN'T include money, because that's super easy- although I've already broken it a few times to help out cute kiddos buying their first something with their own money, and pitching in a few dollars to someone who needed it.  I can't help it.

Here's to a world without Cancer, and a lifetime of Random Acts of Kindness.

I'm off to go and get G and take him to the potty before tucking him in.  I think that should count as a random act, because he's currently sleeping atop Coach....and I know he drank a large glass of water before slipping into slumber act.  I could leave him, but they'd both wake up swimming.

Much love~ Kami

Monday, March 4, 2013

The New Normal

Today I woke up, and did laundry.

Wow! Right? Yep, it really did.  I did laundry and made cookies with G.  We worked on the letters in his name, and mosied on down the road to literacy.  It's been a good day.

I only spent a few hours on the phone tracking down claims and asking medical personnel to resubmit their claims that were processed wrong.  I got a wonderful FB message from a dear friend that made me jump for joy some more.

It's been an outstanding day.

I've also felt the loss of a family that I don't even know.  Their story is documented on Facebook and is called Mitchell's Journey.  I was keyed into this family through a friend of mine, who's son has recently beaten Ewings Sarcoma.  It took a bit of his leg,  but he triumphed with more heart than I've ever seen before.  He leaves me feeling uplifted and strengthened.  Mitchell's story has also done this for me.  Mitchell fought hard, and then left this world a better place.  I've sobbed all weekend for this boy and his sweet family.  I've never met them.  In all reality, I've never met Tristan either, but I love them each as though they are mine.....because they have hearts of warriors and allowed us all to peek into their fight.  They are such a true definition of fighter and living every breath of every moment. They are what life is about.

Life is give and take.  We are constantly reminded of this.

I'm grateful that I've been given more years with my kids.  That they are healthy, and that we can all rejoice in the destruction of the dark cloud that loomed for so long.

It's funny though......

I find myself wondering if there will ever be a day when I don't have to talk about cancer anymore.  Probably not.  How can we live in this world where every moment, someone else is learning a new hard truth, and someone else's family is starting their journey on this terrible path?

The new normal is clearer and more distinct.  Reality hit us hard, and I am grateful for the reminder of how fragile this existence really is.  Today is a good day to hug those that you love just a bit tighter, to call those that you've lost contact with, just to remind them of the difference they've made in your life; to forgive someone whom you thought you never could.

My new normal is exciting, and scary and breathtaking.  It's a better perspective than I would have had otherwise.  So for now, I'm off to fold some underwear and attempt to sneak up on my 4 year old- just to hear him scream and giggle like mad.  It's a new normal, and it's a good one. ~Kami