Yesterday I met with Dr. B2 for the first time and I'm struggling with the cultural differences between he and I. The desire to treat and help is universal, but being able to communicate through facial expressions and social cues is really throwing me off with this guy. I was informed today that as a woman who likes to speak her mind, and put others at ease by throwing out jokes here and there- I intimidate him. Say what? I wasn't trying to intimidate him at all.
The whole event began with an hour wait in the receiving area, followed by an additional wait in the treatment room. That in and of itself makes me want to scream. My time is just as important as everyone else's. While I don't have a large mechanical business machine grinding around me, I have three little boys that I want to be home with; and having to wait for an 'appointment' always makes me grind my teeth. Perhaps I will start billing for my time as well, eh?
When I finally did get to meet with Dr. B2, it was the usual run down. Let's talk for a minute and then, let me see your nether-regions. Such is my life these days. This day, I was met with the good fortune of being able to wear....wait for it.....CLOTH TREATMENT GOWNS & LAP WRAPS. Woot woot! Just that alone brought a smile to my face. Yes folks, we're fancy down in Casa Grande.
My initial joy of the cloth garments was short lived, however. Dr. B2 quickly brought forth the duck, and inserted into said orifice, then did the unthinkable: he turned it left and right. If you're now crossing your legs and flinching, then you know exactly what I'm talking about. If you're at a loss for how that moment feels, well....you're lucky.
Quack, Quack, Quack...OUCH!
While he was probing he was asking me a multitude of questions. It's always awkward to be questioned while in the position that I was in. What can you do? When the questions finally died down we got down to the meat and potatoes, while fully clothed I might add.
My staging, was either mis-delivered, or my husband as well as myself heard incorrectly. I am Stage IIB. This means that I am not a candidate for hysterectomy due to the size of the mass. Any margin (the space around the affected area, including all of the ovaries, uterus & cervix) that they would attempt to create, of clean tissue, would cut further into my organs in still be hitting tumor. Essentially, they would be slicing through tumor, while attempting to get around it. No surgery. This is now from 2 oncologists.
The treatment will be as follows: 25-5 minute doses of external radiation delivered via a CT-like machine. I got tattooed today in three microscopic regions in order to keep the direction of the radiation camera right on target (possible side effects: fatigue, burning in region, frequent urination). 3-Chemotherapy regiments utilizing the drugs of Cisplatin & Gemcitabine (possible side effects: change of infection [stay away from people with infections], fatigue, upset stomach, diarrhea, anemia, skin irritation, hair loss, fever, mouth irritation, increase chances of blood loss, harm to kidneys). The final step is 5-brachytherapy sessions which will take place during the final weeks of radiation, once the mass has been shrunk. Brachytherapy (internal radiation) will have to take place at the Arizona Oncology center because this clinic is not equipped to deliver the brachytherapy; which means I get to finally meet with Dr. L, and yes I called today to make the appointment myself.
Brachytherapy delivers radiation from a device that is inserted inside the vagina. It delivers a high does of radiation to the area where cancer cells are most likely to be found, with the hope of minimizing the effects of radiation on health tissues.
No muy bueno.
On the upside, I really enjoy the oncologist in charge of my chemotherapy care. I met him today at our planning session and instantly feel relieved that he is on my side. Dr. S is a champ! He is a tough, straight forward kind of guy that will say it like it is. He doesn't mess around and actually asked me how I was handling all of this. When we met he let me know that there is a chance I will lose my hair. I can even handle that right now. He let me know that the world will not end, and that I needed to be more educated than I am. Dr. S printed off a packet of information for me to go over and much of what I've shared earlier comes from the information he gave me. He introduced me to his staff, and handed me a card with his cell number on it. What a relief to feel like someone cares.
Today M went with me to my appointment that started at 8:00 a.m. and ended around 1 p.m. I was poked three times with needles, had to drink barium (berry flavored), then was asked to drop my pants and lay on a rough bench to be sent through another CT machine for additional scans. I yelled at Dr. B2 that he could wait while I used the restroom and not to reschedule my scan for 1:00, just because I needed 2 seconds to pee. I made new friends named Ashley, Rafael, Joni, Diana, Alexis, Pelar, Rebecka & Dawn. I visited in broken Spanish with a lovely lady in the waiting room, ran into the game announcer from Coach's school- which is a Cancer survivor himself, and lost my mind at least twice.
On the wall on the radiation side of the clinic is this awful poster of what skin melanoma looks like, and how moles can mutate. I asked Ashley the tech who put that nasty thing on the wall. She then said that Diana liked to kiss it on the mole every morning for luck. Diana said, that's because when I kiss the cancer, it gets better. I told Diana she wasn't allowed to kiss my cancer because that is just awkward.
Treatment starts on Monday. Chemo & radiation. I have an appointment tomorrow in Phoenix with Dr. L, finally. I have one more appointment on Friday with the nurses in the chemo clinic to go over any questions I might have. Giddyup kids!
Treatment starts on Monday. Chemo & radiation. I have an appointment tomorrow in Phoenix with Dr. L, finally. I have one more appointment on Friday with the nurses in the chemo clinic to go over any questions I might have. Giddyup kids!
With all that being said: I am fine. I will beat this. I will be probed, poked, burned, made sick, made healthy, and made sick again before this is all over, but what I've come away with is a new appreciation for kind words and a smile. If there is one thing in the health profession that I'm learning is that a genuine smile and love for humanity cannot be faked. It is necessary for recovery and completely required for those of us in the trenches not to lose faith in humanity.
One last thought, which is really a question: What is worth fighting for? Why do you do what you do everyday? While you're doing that, what are you fighting for? We're all fighting for something. What is your crusade? ~ Kami
2 comments:
My crusade is to live one more day, make as many people as possible glad I was here that one more day. Do something for someone, pay it forward, random acts of kindness...that's my crusade.
LOVE the caption "no muy bueno" under that second photo... That cracked me up.
Alright-(rubbing my hands together) Let's get to work, I will come massage (just roll with it..) your shoulders while greasing you up and saying in my best mexican voice "Kami ees thee number one. Her hair ees number one, her eyes ees number one..." Let's GO! We've got your back!! GO FAB 5!
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